My Baby is Turning 4 Today!

Birthdays are a time of excitement and expectations....when you're a kid. When you're a parent, it's a whole different story. Of course we look forward to their first birthday even though it marks that very important milestone... a barrier between baby and toddler. We then think that maybe their disposition will change as they continue to grow, but each age seems to add something new. I don't know about anyone else, but I think that it's very bittersweet to watch our babies grow. No longer do we look forward to our own birthdays, knowing that they bring new aches and pains and sags and bags; nevertheless, we celebrate right along with our kids and their birthdays. I, however, am not feeling all that great this day.

Rylee decided that she was coming out about 20 minutes after I got into my hospital room 4 years ago today. I can't believe that it's all ready been that long...and so many other babies have been born since her (none being mine of course). Alyssa was this age when I decided that I was ready to get pregnant again so her turning 4 and getting ready for kindergarten the next year really wasn't THAT big of a heartache. I knew I would soon have another little baby to nurture and spend time with that would take much longer to grow up.....RIGHT!!! She has grown just as quickly and is now talking about going to school and I don't know where I stand.... What do I do now? We've decided that we are not having any more kids and 3 is a good round number, but I find myself stuck in an emotional rut. I know that the decision we have made is good for our future but it's the present that I'm having a hard time convincing.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that we should have another baby and I certainly don't think that I could mentally survive 4 children but it's the combination of turning 32 and my baby turning 4 that's got me thinking "Holy moly, I'm at the age of almost being too old to have any more." That magic age of 35 is right around the corner which brings all of the wonderful "cautions" regarding having kids. I'M OLD!!! LOL. I'm just being dramatic now, but it certainly gives me something to think about. McKenzie and Alyssa say that they want a little brother but I told them that I haven't had that much luck in the past regarding that "Y" chromosome so they'd probably end up with another sister. Like we don't have enough estrogen in the house all ready...poor Mike! Even our pets are usually girls :-) As the girls were discussing this, Rylee pipes up with "Mommy, I don't want you to have another baby....I want to be your only baby." Awww... like that didn't pull at my heart strings. She also told me that the only thing she could think of that she wants for her birthday is for mommy not to have to work anymore so that I can stay home with her. That really didn't help my emotional pull of not wanting to work anymore either. If only I could find some way to get paid for staying home...

Anyway, enough of this melancholy...my baby turned 4 today! Alyssa has a baseball game tonight so we are going to dinner afterward. Uncle Jerry is meeting us, as well as Aunt Bobbi and family so we'll wreak havoc at Denny's! We are having a triple birthday party on Saturday for Rylee, Matthew, and Karrissa so I will hopefully get some good pictures to post. Hey, come to think of it, this is the first post I've done without a picture...weird!

Off to baseball!